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Home of My Heart

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 Home of My Heart     It was the only thing I knew. The only expectation I thought I had to fufill.      Leaving.      Leaving everything I loved. My entire world: sights, smells, people, home.      And I knew I wasn't coming back. I would never go home again, because I was growing up and everything changes.      My roots were broken, while the rest of me was thrown into a pile of lumber that all looked exactly the same.      Just like me.      Even though I looked like I belonged, I found myself living on the edge of every social circle. My heart ached for Kenya, and my body was stuck in the USA, while very few around me understood, or even knew.      While I tried to find a place I could fit in at college, my soul was wilting without the equatorial sun. Without everything that had molded me, I felt lost. And while I smiled, I would slowly give in to the darkness insi...
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You

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      Green. All I see is green.      It is not a pleasant green, of meadows and life. It is pale, sickly, fading.      Time moves slowly here. Although there are no clocks on the walls, I feel like I can hear them ticking, second by second, as my life inches away into nothingness.      I am empty.      Then, startled. There is a loud noise. I look anxiously next to me. "Medicine time," he says.      We go out in the hallway with everyone else.      I am given a cup, with three formidable looking pills.      "What are they?" I ask, and no one answers.      He looks upset. "Dont take that," he barks, going to talk to the doctors.      So I don't, and time continues to inch by. He comes back in a huff, and someone is speaking.      "They want to take your blood," he says. I shrug and get up, following them to a cold, metal sea...
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Nothing But Empty

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                                                                       **Trigger warning: miscarriage     When we found out we were going to have a child, I was so terrified that I cried.      You held me in your arms and reassured me that it would be alright, but I couldn't believe you.      I had just finished therapy for my depression less than a year ago. I had tried to take my own life. We were moving back to China. How could I posssibly handle one more responsability?     It didn't feel real. And when it did, for a moment, all I could feel was fear.      We had no idea what we were doing.      And then...I found the blood.      With it, I instantly knew.      I had n...
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